You Are Not Alone

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Movies, and TV can make us feel like everyone else is in a magical relationship with their partner or spouse. Sometimes it seems like we are the only couple having problems.

Well that's just not true. All relationships have areas they can improve and not surprisingly, those areas that need improvement are the same or similar for many other couples.

The machines at Relate asked Relate users what relationship problems or questions they have. Here are the top results. Soon we will start posting feedback from well respected experts in addition to diving deeper into these topics.

Relationship Problems from Relate Users

What Relate Users are Struggling With

We spent hours analyzing the comments from Relate users and assigned all submissions to different categories. Each submission could be assigned to one or more categories if the user's comments touched on more than one topic. Out of over 1,000 Relate users that were surveyed 97 responded. That's a pretty good response rate compared to typical survey results.

Keep reading to see how you have something in common with other Relate users. In our next posts we will explore these topics one by one. And of course will continue to poll Relate users for topics they want us to find an expert on. This blog is only for Relate users and will not be broadly shared.


Communication was the biggest category. Based on the comments, communication issues seem to primarily be caused by stress. Stress was often related to children, home duties, work, finances, and sex. A side effect of this stress is that Relate users are saying they are getting into fights more frequently. The fights are just as often about little mundane things as much as they are about big topics. Many users stated that they do not have enough positive energy left for their partner after the stresses of the day causing tempers to flair more easily than they should.


Passion is a big category. Despite its name this category is not about sex or intimacy. We classified a submission into the passion category whenever the user mentioned things like, "I'm not sure if he is the one anymore", or "things used to be so different", "I've changed", "I don't know if she loves me any more", or "we seem to be moving in different directions". Other common comments in this category were often worded as: "how do we keep things exciting". 


The title for this category is fairly straightforward, but the reasons for problems were complex. Almost all couples in this category had concerns about not having sex enough. After this, the issue was the type of sex or the way they have sex compared to when they were just getting started in their relationship. It's clear that Relate users are concerned that as their relationships get older, sex for one or both partners becomes a point of contention, fear, or sadness.


One certainly cannot boil down romantic relationship problems to a few categories. Yet, we cannot deny that many relationships struggle in the same areas. We believe that there are solutions, tools, and techniques that couples can use to make positive progress in their problem areas. In the next post we will dig deeper into communication problems and the different reasons couples struggle in that area.